I’m just going to be honest and come out and say it. Lately, I’ve been in a season of intense conflict, a season of extreme mess. I am learning (the hard way) that living in bold faith as a Christian means expecting opposition to what God is doing in your life. I am learning to expect that, deal with it, welcome it even, and allow God to use it. I am learning to find joy in it now, to some degree, knowing that conflict is an opportunity to let God work in me, to lean into him in trust until resolution and peace follow.
But a season of conflict and hardship is different. It feels unrelenting and constant. It’s defeating. It’s painful. At some point I really start to feel like it’s more than I can bear.
So, I just keep asking God, why? What do you have for me in this season of contention? What in the world have I done that these things keep getting added to my heaping pile of “hard?”
Friends, I’m weary. I’m so weary.
Even as I am weary, I am choosing not to give up. I am seeking peace. I am asking for forgiveness, for grace.
I’m choosing not to let fear be a road block in sharing with you what God is doing in this hardship. I am watching him use the mess. I am learning firsthand that when He is revealed, sought after, there WILL be opposition. Don’t let it surprise you. Get ready to move through it.
Unfortunately, conflicts don’t always unravel perfectly, settle into peace the way I would prefer. I don’t have a perfect lesson learned to share with you (yet). I know now that some of this mess might just keep being messy for a while. So, I’m finding the lesson in the mess. I’m parking my emotions and my mind in the things that I do know to be true, and in the truth that I can trust.
God works for my good. (Romans 8:28) He loves me! (Romans 5:8) When sought, he WILL be found. Jesus will allow me to find him in this mess. He is findable! (Jeremiah 29:13) He sees me in my hurt. (Jeremiah 17:10) He cares! (1 Peter 5:6-7) He will tug on me until I see my own wrong doing and have an opportunity to learn. (Psalms 32:8) Those who kneel will walk away healed. (Jeremiah 17:14) He is a perfectly capable and all-wise God. He is my mighty rescuer (Zephaniah 3:17)
I am standingin my mess, waiting on God to be revealed, and I am trusting what I know.